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Twilight-inspired bands
March 16, 2009, 7:53 am
Filed under: Twilight, Watch It | Tags: , , , ,

“Twilight” has officially morphed into a word that seems naked without a capitalized “Phenomenon” following it. And with good reason: Stephenie Meyer’s breathy, four-volume vampire saga has sold a gazillion copies, led to a movie, and inspired the kind of fan-gasm most authors would sacrifice fingers to achieve. Yes, Stephen King publicly called out Meyer as a hack, but who cares when everyone else fucking loves you? Borders in East Madison knows a winner when it sees one, so it’s decided to join the fun and host a big-ass vampire party on March 20 to coincide with the release of the Twilight DVD. In honor of this event, Decider checked out one of the most evil spawns of the Twilight Phenomenon—Twilight-inspired bands (none of which are on the schedule for the event)—to see how they stack up against the book.
Twilight, Stephenie Meyer (When heroine Isabella Swan first sees the vampires):
“And yet, they were all exactly alike. Every one of them was chalky pale, the palest of all the students living in this sunless town. Paler than me, the albino. They all had very dark eyes despite the range in hair tones. They also had dark shadows under those eyes—purplish, bruise-like shadows. As if they were all suffering from a sleepless night, or almost done recovering from a broken nose.”
Analysis: In 72 words, Meyer makes three references to pale skin, two to shadows, and one to sleepless nights. To sell millions of anything you have to have some discernable charms, but subtlety is not one of Twilight’s.

The Bella Cullen Project

Analysis: The reliance on red and black are obvious allusions to blood and hidden darkness (though the choice of a top hat might be a little too jaunty). Where the Bella Cullen Project appears to be more nuanced than Meyer is with the box of tissues placed on the floor. Does this represent Bella’s sadness and ache? Or is it simply an untimely head cold on the part of a band member? It remains unclear, and mystery abounds.
Verdict: Better than Twilight.

Twilight Music Girls

Analysis: Like BCP, Twilight Music Girls goes with a black-heavy wardrobe to outwardly portray the seamier aspects of loving a vampire. They pair their sartorial choices, however, with awkward finger-snapping and offbeat dance moves. Are they uncoordinated, or purposely trying to capture Bella’s teen angst? It’s hard to tell.
Verdict: Better than Twilight.

The Mitch Hansen Band

Analysis: Mitch Hansen spends the first minute of this video explaining what his song is about, why he wrote it, and how a bunch of haters have misconstrued his intentions. This is certainly one way to handle the controversy. Another would be to put down the sledgehammer and write a song that’s clear in purpose and intent.
Verdict: Meyer’s musical soul-mate.



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